With Jason Varitek presently mired in one of the most offensive (and at same time, least offensive) seasons in Red Sox history, we thought we’d look back at five other former lessons in ineptitude. The one twist is that these guys can’t have failed and then found themselves out of the line-up. They were awful, but (like ‘Tek) just wouldn’t go away.

1994: Marion Butts, RB, Patriots

You ever see a rugby scrum—one of those plays where both team meet in the middle of the field and push each other back and forth until someone picks up the ball? I swear that’s what it looked like every time Marion Butts touched the ball in 1994. But instead of someone eventually emerging from the pack, Marion would merely collapse after a yard or two, waddle pack to the sidelines and scarf down the three chicken parm calzones he’d kept hidden in his equipment bag. Butts carried the ball 243 times that year, but no Patriots running back since 1986 (with a minimum of 100 carries) has averaged fewer yards an attempt than Butts’ 2.9 (Even Terry Allen averaged 3.5!). Despite their lack of a running game, the Pats still made the playoffs in 94, thanks in large part to one of my favorite plays in franchise history (that sadly doesn’t exist on youtube).

With Paul Pierce’s recent Las Vegas handcuffing, as well as a Patriots off-season that saw two guys get busted for pot and another found with enough Oxycontin’s to sedate this guy, we decided to look back on five of our favorite funny, embarrassing and sometimes both off-field incidents in recent Boston history.

*1991: Celtics center Robert Parish is arrested when the cops intercept two ounces off pot that had been Fed Exed to his house.

Can’t you picture The Chief sitting around with his buddies on the couch, ripping bong hits and just rewinding the video of him punching out Laimbeer over and over?

"Dude! Let’s watch it in slo-mo this time!"

The best part of this arrest is that Parish was freed after paying only a $37 fine.

*Nov. ‘97: While onstage during an Everclear concert at the Paradise, Drew Bledsoe stage dives into the crowd, lands on a woman and eventually pays her a reported 400K in the settlement—she’s since hired Mo Lewis as a personal bodyguard.

In a perfect world, I’d like to think Drew made this fateful leap to escape Everclear’s sweet SoCal sounds, but it appears he’s actually one of their biggest fans. Perhaps the funniest/most disturbing part of the story is that the incident happened only days before the Pats were heading to Tampa for one of the most crucial games of the year. The Pats ended up getting destroyed, but Bledsoe made it clear to everyone that the incident would not effect his play—he completed 13 of his 27 passes for 117 yards and threw two beautiful interceptions to compliment his zero TD passes.

The Poll Position MLB trade deadline extravaganza wraps up today with five of the most random deadline deals of the last 20 years.

July 29, 1988: Red Sox trade Curt Schilling, Brady Anderson and a set of sideburns to be named later to Baltimore for Mike Boddicker

Boddicker went 7-3 with a 2.43 ERA down the stretch for the Sox in 1988 and then racked up 32 over his next two seasons in Boston. The Sox won the pennant in two of the three years he was in the rotation.

Anderson had one great year and took enough steroids to kill a Monique.

As for Schill, I think it’s fair to say that the Sox eventually got more than they could have ever imagined from the big guy.

Eight years ago, you would’ve said Boston got the puny end of this trade wishbone, but all things considered, it turned out pretty well.

Today, with the MLB trade deadline looming, we take a look at the worst deadline trades in Sox history. Vote at the bottom and feel free to sound off in the comment section. Tomorrow, we’ll take a look at some of the stranger deadline deals in Sox history.

August 31, 1990: Red Sox trade Jeff Bagwell to the Astros for Larry Andersen

Andersen had a 1.23 ERA down the stretch for the Sox in 1990, as they took the AL East by two games over the Blue Jays. Or at least that’s how those who try to defend this trade see it. Bagwell’s three or four years away from a Cooperstown induction and he very well could be going in with a Sox hat on.

The one saving grace for the Sox is that they decided to give the Astros Bagwell instead of the prospect Houston really wanted: Scott Cooper.

Losing Bagwell was bad enough, you just don’t give up on a two-time All-Star like Cooper.

Note: When Cooper made that second "All-Star" appearance in 1994, he finished the year the year hitting .282 with 13 home runs and 53 RBI in 104 games. Bagwell won the 1994 MVP with a modest .368/39/116. And he did it in only 110 games.

All great things come in fives. Jacksons. Golden rings. Police Academy movies (I stopped watching them after the fifth). In that spirit, we bring you Poll Position—a new interactive exercise in obsessive Boston fandom (1988-2008). We list. You vote. We all discuss. Euphoric insanity ensues. Let’s roll.

Today, with the trade deadline looming, we take a look at the five best Red Sox deadline moves of the past 20 years. Tomorrow we’ll look at the five worst and on Thursday, we’ll vote on the five strangest deadline moves since 1988. Enjoy!

July 6, 1995: Frank Rodriguez and JJ Johnson to the Twins for Rick Aguilera

Rodriguez was the prototypical Red Sox prospect of the mid-90s. A guy we always heard was going to be a star; who was perpetually one year away from realizing his potential. But like almost all the guys from that era (not named Nomar) he never materialized and the Sox sent him to Minnesota for Aguilera to sure up the pen for the stretch run.

Aguilera picked up two wins and 20 saves (while rocking a 2.67 ERA) as the Sox won the 1995 pennant…and were subsequently swept by Cleveland in the ALDS. Man, the ’90s were awesome.

Rodriguez had a career high 13 wins (and 14 losses) for the Twins in 1996 but was out of baseball five years later, having retired with an impressive 5.53 career ERA.

Note: This wasn’t exactly a deadline move but it was close enough.

All great things come in fives. Jacksons. Golden rings. Police Academy movies (I stopped watching them after the fifth). In that spirit, we’d like to introduce Poll Position—a new interactive exercise in obsessive Boston fandom (1988-2008). We list. You vote. We all discuss. Euphoric insanity ensues. Let’s roll.

Given the current black cloud hanging over the landscape of the Red Sox bullpen, we kick off Poll Position with a look at five best middle reliever seasons you might have forgotten about:

1989: Rob Murphy

Every time Hideki Okajima takes the mound he looks on the verge of tears; Mike Timlin looks on the verge of having his arm snap off; Craig Hansen looks on the verge of breaking into a cover of "Whole Hearted" by Extreme.

When Murphy got the call, he looked on the verge of tearing your nuts off and forcing you watch as he fed them to a jaguar. He was the Duke from Major League—the dude who threw at his own kid in a father son game.

In 2008, his toughness would be a huge asset… as would his numbers The 1989 Murphy had nine saves and a 2.74 ERA in 74 appearances. He also threw 105 innings, a number that becomes more significant when you consider that the Sox haven’t had a reliever break the 100-inning mark since Derek Lowe in 1999 (shhh…that’s what we call a teaser.)